


Not When You Blame Yourself

by loveforhockey



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Crying, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Kneeling, M/M, Rookie - Freeform, mentoring, talks about death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 02:51:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6782380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveforhockey/pseuds/loveforhockey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niklas Kronwall hates losing. With every lost game comes the guilt that it was his fault, that he needed to be better for his team. Losing sucks, but the worst loss of Nik’s life was when he was 11 years old.</p><p>Nik feels a lot of emotions on the anniversary of his fathers death, Stevie is a great captain and comforts him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not When You Blame Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a reader. Kinda sad, you have been warned.

Niklas Kronwall hates losing. With every lost game comes the guilt that it was his fault, that he needed to be better for his team. Losing sucks, but the worst loss of Nik’s life was when he was 11 years old.

And today was that day- well, today 12 years ago, but the abandonment and sorrow was still fresh, and the 6-0 loss to rival Blackhawks was the miserable cherry on top.

He couldn’t help to feel nothing but guilt as he knelt in front of captain and mentor Steve Yzerman. He could of stepped up at the blue line, taken the man instead of the biscuit, blocked a shot. Mistakes in the game replayed in Nik’s mind like a nightmare. On the deep topic of guilt, his mind drifted to thinking of his father and the 11 years he had with him, and how he never realized how valuable that time was until it was gone. Everything was just gone, and it wasn’t coming back.

Tears slipped from Nik’s eyes, carving tracks down his flushed cheeks to accompany the muffled sobs against Stevie’s leg, causing the captain to grasp his shoulders in a grounding grip.

“Niklas... I know the game was ruff but you can’t blame yourself for everything. We’re a team. We win and loose as a team.” Stevie said.

“I know I just... I made a lot of mistakes. I’m- I’m sorry.” Nik choked out through his cries. Stevie put his hands under the quivering chin and raised it so tear filled blue eyes met his in a gentle gaze.

“I know you take losses hard, kid, but there is no reason for you to cry. Is there something you’re not telling me?”

The waterfall of tears Nik broke into were indication to Stevie that there was much more than bad game bothering his rookie. Sensing that Nik needed comfort more than anything else, he pulled the rookie off the floor by hands under his arms and into his lap, wrapping him in an embracing hug.

Nik soaked Stevie’s shirt with tears, doing nothing but sitting on his captain’s lap and crying for minutes. Stevie rubbed a hand in gentle circles on Nik’s back, holding him close and whispering comforting things in his ear. Something was wrong.

“Hey, Niklas?” Steve asked once Nik’s cries have calmed into sobs. “Can you tell me what’s upsetting you? Please?”

“My Dad, he- he passed away 12 years ago today.” Nik said in between sniffles. “I guess I feel guilty... like guilt from the game but worse. That I never realized how valuable the time with him I had.”

“Niklas... I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that was today.” Stevie said, pulling Nik in closer and pressing a kiss into his dirty blond hair. 

“It’s ok... It... It just gets to me once in a while.” Nik choked out.

“I can’t imagine what that would be like, you’re so strong Nik. But you can’t live your life carrying the weight of guilt. It wasn’t your fault your father passed away, even though that may be something you feel sometimes. Your father loved you so much, and you obviously love him too. Never let go of that love or any memories with your father but you can’t feel guilty for the time you had with your dad. Remember it, never forget it, but know that the game, your father, it’s not your fault.” Stevie said sincerely. Nik tucked his head into the crook of his captain’s neck and nodded.

“I know, Stevie. I just- I feel like I have too.” Nik replied.

“I understand, kid. You feel like you deserve the guilt is that it?” Stevie continued once Nik nodded. “Well you don’t. At all. You’re a great kid who always gives 110% and doesn’t deserve to carry the weight of every loss. You’ve been through more than anyone should ever have to go through, but you’re so strong. I know that loss hurts, but you have a team of people who love and support you no matter what. If you ever need anyone to talk to about anything, I’m here.”

“Thank you, Stevie.” Nik wiped the tears from his cheeks. “I know it sounds kinda silly, but you’re the closest thing to a dad iv’e had. I guess I consider you my hockey-dad.” Nik said sheepishly, smiling up at Stevie through his tears.

“I’m honored you think of me like that. I’ll always be there for you when you need me, kid, just promise me you won’t blame everything on yourself for now on.” Stevie pressed another kiss to Nik’s forehead.

After Nik let out a yawn, Stevie decided it was finally time for bed. Niklas had obviously had a long day. Between the rough game and all the emotions, he must be exhausted. He retrieved a pair of pajamas for the rookie then pulled back the blankets on the hotel bed, helping Nik crawl into them. 

“Goodnight, kid.” Stevie said, tucking the blankets back around Nik and kissing his forehead once more. He smiled up with bright blue eyes at his captain, grateful that he had someone who cared about him this much.

“Goodnight, papa.” Nik whispered into the pillow, half asleep already. 

Nik had been through so much, he was so strong. The way he blamed every loss on himself proved how dedicated he was to this team and how much he cared. Stevie was just glad that he could be someone Niklas could lean on and a teammate he could always come too. The past was horrible, but Stevie promised the future would be better.

**Author's Note:**

> All comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated!


End file.
